I’ve been trying to write something bright and cheerful, but the words aren’t coming easily. Can I be honest with you?
These past weeks have been difficult. I lost two beloved animals who meant so much to me. Instead of grieving only in private, I wanted to honor them here and share a small tribute.
After that, I’ll share the recipe for the matcha coconut butter cups I’ve been making to feel a little better.
First was a tiny lady I adored. We didn’t see each other constantly, but when we did she would wiggle with joy and press her sweet little face to mine. Unlike many dogs who lick, she’d keep her mouth closed and barely touch me — but her love was unmistakable.
Her name was Peaches. She and her brother Sidney were found by my mom walking along a roadside in Norcross, Georgia. They were tiny—no more than a few months old—and very sick with worms. Even then, nothing could stop us from falling in love with those sweet pups.
Peaches passed away at the end of March. She’d been living with a malignant tumor for nearly five years, and finally it caught up to her. She was the fiercest little fighter I’ve known—always determined to be the top girl among our much larger dogs. I miss her wiggles every single day.
And then it happened again.
We lost another. I lost another piece of my heart: Bertucci. I named him after a childhood restaurant, because he felt like a constant, comforting presence.
Though loss is part of life and we all expected the day to come, it still arrived sooner than I was ready for. I said goodbye to him when I last saw him in March, just in case. Bertucci was nearly 16. He was born when I was in middle school, one of five tiny puppies, and he was the one I chose to keep. Even as a newborn his personality and smarts shone through, and I wanted him by my side forever.
The first night he was home he threw up in my bed, but within weeks he felt like a brother. He was caring, wise, gentle, funny, and handsome. I miss him every day, and though I didn’t see him constantly later in life, his absence is still deeply felt.
I’ve rarely mourned in public; I worry about being judged for my pain. As a child, when a dog died I couldn’t go to school for days and I didn’t tell friends. My dogs were my family, and I didn’t expect others to understand. I’ve never shared a loss here before, but I was moved by another blogger’s tribute and felt inspired to remember Peaches and Bertucci out loud. They deserve to be remembered, and my love for them endures.
When I’m sad or anxious I often reach for chocolate. Lately I’ve been drinking matcha, which I’ve found comforting — and I’ve read about its potential for easing anxiety and depression. I also discovered a matcha butter cup recipe that pairs chocolate and matcha in a way that feels both uplifting and grounding. I followed that recipe with a few small adjustments and wanted to share the version I make when I need a little comfort.
Enjoy.
Matcha Coconut Butter Cups
Ingredients
- 1/2 cup coconut butter, melted enough to stir
- 1 tablespoon matcha powder
- 1 tablespoon maple syrup or coconut nectar
- 1 pinch sea salt
- 1 1/2 cups vegan dark chocolate chips
Instructions
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Line 12 mini muffin tins with paper cups.
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In a medium bowl, whisk together the melted coconut butter, matcha, sweetener, and sea salt until thick and smooth.
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Using a double boiler, melt 1 1/4 cups of the chocolate chips until smooth.
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Remove the melted chocolate from heat and stir in the remaining 1/4 cup of chocolate to temper and cool it slightly.
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Pour about 1 tablespoon of melted chocolate into the bottom of each lined muffin cup.
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Place the muffin tin in the freezer for 5 minutes to harden the chocolate layer.
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Remove the tin and add about 1 teaspoon of the matcha coconut butter to each cup, pressing it down gently to flatten.
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Cover each filling with another tablespoon or so of the melted chocolate to seal.
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If you have extra filling or chocolate, make additional cups or reserve it for another batch.
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Sprinkle a little matcha powder on top if you like, then refrigerate the tin for about an hour to fully harden.
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Enjoy!
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